W henever people decide that I'm too quiet, I yell. When they say I'm too weak, I push. When they say I'm not smart, I take on the senior year from hell with 5 AP courses. And now that I have been under-appreciated and taken for granted, I am becoming outrageous. After a few days of pushing all the memories of Adam out of my head so I wouldn't give myself the chance to be sad over it, I decided not to overrule myself like that. Instead, I decided to let myself wander over whatever my heart desires, and also to give it something new and better to think about. So last night, after 8 years of throwing the idea around, I finally caved and dyed my hair red. Blood red. Mj from Spiderman red. Fiery and undeniable. I am not disposable or common, I am something unique and rare and this is my outcry. If I have been too subtle before in my deviance then this, truly, is me screaming till my throat goes hoarse NOTICE ME!!
And maybe the person who caused this result will never see my stand against him, but thats Ok. Just because he caused something does not give him rights to see it-- this is me for the world, and for the future of everything to come. This is me starting fresh and looking forward. This is me making sure I never make the mistake of being walked over again.
This is me: Red.
Tuesday, May 15
Saturday, May 5
Thanks for making me a Fighter
If its worth having it's worth fighting for, so they say. I've never fought the real fight, I've held on tightly to something I knew was gone and I've given up from lack of interest, but fighting for something? Really truly working at it?? That is something I've never before had to do.
He drives me crazy. He doesn't know when to shut up, or when the opposite. He is incredibly lazy and for being so smart, incredibly oblivious. He pushes my buttons just for kicks, and is actually surprised when I get mad. He's a huge nerd, into the entire fanatasy world of video games and cartoons, and has a temper that outright stuns me.
He's never been with someone quite like me before, and so I can't really blame him for not knowing how to handle me... especially since no ones been able to handle me yet. I drive him crazy. I am loud and stubborn, and know exactly when to shut up but choose not to. I say what I have to say, do whatever my impulse is, and never let on that I'm upset until it's too late and I'm exploding. I'm incredibly sensitive, a blushing romantic and will probably be 13 years old for the rest of my life. I'm an "insane liberal".
Of course we've been fighting, we couldn't be more different. So then last night, after a week of being angry I was tired and worn and sad, and it showed. So he was like he used to be- he made me laugh, and he kept me around and close. Then when he walked me out to my car to say goodbye I told him the only words I could form to explain how I was feeling, "Stop blowing me off", as I looked up at him with sad eyes and a tight grip. And he gave me the most sincere apology he's ever given me without saying one word, kissed me soft and deep, and said "ok"
Amazing, really, the way he knows just how to handle me.
He drives me crazy. He doesn't know when to shut up, or when the opposite. He is incredibly lazy and for being so smart, incredibly oblivious. He pushes my buttons just for kicks, and is actually surprised when I get mad. He's a huge nerd, into the entire fanatasy world of video games and cartoons, and has a temper that outright stuns me.
He's never been with someone quite like me before, and so I can't really blame him for not knowing how to handle me... especially since no ones been able to handle me yet. I drive him crazy. I am loud and stubborn, and know exactly when to shut up but choose not to. I say what I have to say, do whatever my impulse is, and never let on that I'm upset until it's too late and I'm exploding. I'm incredibly sensitive, a blushing romantic and will probably be 13 years old for the rest of my life. I'm an "insane liberal".
Of course we've been fighting, we couldn't be more different. So then last night, after a week of being angry I was tired and worn and sad, and it showed. So he was like he used to be- he made me laugh, and he kept me around and close. Then when he walked me out to my car to say goodbye I told him the only words I could form to explain how I was feeling, "Stop blowing me off", as I looked up at him with sad eyes and a tight grip. And he gave me the most sincere apology he's ever given me without saying one word, kissed me soft and deep, and said "ok"
Amazing, really, the way he knows just how to handle me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)