Boob Voyage! eve

So here it goes: tomorrow's the big day, and I'm finding it hard to breathe.
I know I shouldn't be nervous, really. I'm obviously not going to die, my doctor is the best of the best so I'm sure I'll come out looking even more fabulous than already, and I've got some seriously enviable pain killers with my name attatched, smiliar to the tags on Christmas gifts. I know I should not be nervous.

I can't help but wonder, though, who I'll be when I come out. Now that I'm not the girl with the huge boobs anymore, who will I be? What will I be known for, or seen as? What will my first impression be? Will I really stop being used and oggled the way I have since middle school, or are pigs just pigs?

I know I need this. My back is falling apart, and clothes dont fit me, and my health is generally for shit. I know I need it. I know, even more, how much I want it. How badly, how painfully, how depseratley I want this. But now its less than 10 hours away and my nerves are taking over my mind and heart, and I can't stop their domination. Now I'm wondering if maybe I don't need this as badly as I think, and I'm just running from something and trying to start fresh with a new body- one that no ones seen or abused. A way to stop looking back at what I've done and even more importantly who I've done it with and try again. Maybe this is some long-term, leftover psychological issue from Jason. Add it to the list.

I'm scared they wont look right. That they'll be too big or too small. That I'll be less attractive. That I won't be as shocking coming out as I expect. That I'll still be seen the same. That I'll be seen totally differently. Mostly, I'm scared of being bed-ridden for the next 2 weeks with only my mother and can't find my 2nd season of Greys Anatomy.

Maybe I'm just really really hungry and need a strong drink. Damn pre-op..