Snooze

Our body has a way of naturally waking itself, setting it's own alarm. The alarm that tells us when we're late to work, reminds a woman of thirty that it's that time to settle down and have kids, gives a new graduate the courage to strike out on his own. It tells us that it's time to do something drastic, be it for the better of for the worse, to calm down and relax or to wake up and start living. Tonight my alarm has gone off. Loud and shrill, startling me from a dreaming comfortable sleep to the harsh bright morning lights, it tells me that it's time. It's time for me to make a change- make a thousand changes. Stop being so young and reckless, stop being scared. Time to let myself be as outrageous and as passionate as I feel myself to be all the way deep into my gut and out my fingertips. Time to stop rationalizing my future away on future prospects of spoiled children and the need for security and go after exactly whats in my heart to do. To stop blaming the judgements of others for my own self-deceptions. To throw those judgements of others to hell and jump into the beautiful gray.

I often wonder why I can't seem to find what I'm looking for. Why I don't feel completly comfortable around my friends or my family, and can't ever seem to find The Guy. I've never asked for much- just people I can hang out with, be myself around whocan both know and accept me. Tonight I realize that It's because I keep hidden what I want accepted, and that I'm a much more private person than I'd ever thought myself to be. It's time, light years past the time actually, to take my first steps. To be the friend to others that they have been to me, to allow my family to see who I am for better and for worse and put their unconditional love to the test, to push towards the future I've always wanted leaving behind what I've settled for and all fears of failure, to let myself be exactly who I've always wanted to be.

Tonight my alarm has gone off, and hitting snooze just isn't an option anymore.