What saved me

Last night I came home with a bottle of rum in one arm and mango ice cream in the other, only the blender on my mind. Soon after Alex walked in with firewood and s'mores ingredients. Without fail, as is our nature, the house was soon after filled with some of our closest friends drinking mango margaritas, eating s'mores and watching Transformers.
We sat there talking and laughing and snuggling up together for nothing more than the human contact and complete love for each other against a crackling fire and glowing Christmas tree. It was exactly then that it occurred to me. After the hell of a divorce I witnessed when I was young, the near-poverty we pulled through after, and later the second divorce I was to witness, throwing us an hour away from everyone I'd grown up with, it was then that it occurred to me: this is home.
This is more home than I've felt in a very long time. I swing open the door after a fight with the guy I'm seeing, or a long night at work to find Alex sitting on the couch, smiling to see me, or to Spiderman candy canes from Crystal sitting on my dresser. This is where I can cry and know that there will be a shoulder ready, where I can run around in my bra complaining my hair wont straighten before a date, where I stay up till 4am making s'mores and watching a movie made for twelve year old boys. This is the best time I can remember ever having in my life. This is what gives me hope to keep pushing for whats still left. This is what makes it okay when what I pushed for didn't go quite as planned. This place, these people, these times is what helps me get back up and try again.
Already, I'd be lost without my new home.

Promises

Today I've officially begun my new (to me) lifestyle of only taking what I deserve, and only giving the same. No second chances unearned, no justifying thoughtless actions. This is my promise to myself: I'm through settling for less than amazing, be it at work, with friends, with romance, with sex. Only the best for me, and I'll be sure to do everything I can to really earn that best.

Short post, I know, but is very heavy. Maybe. For me, anyways.
Goodbye Carlos. Goodbye Massie. Don't want me to say goodbye? Work for me.. and I promise I'll do the same for you.