What is love? Baby don't hurt me

so to start... Im about to sound 14 years old, and dramatic and ridiculously over the top. I tried to make this private, because I'm only writing this so I can document it and laugh at myself years from now, because I know I'll want to remember this the way I feel about it now, but apparently you can't write private blogs on here so.... I apologize ahead of time for the pre-teen flashbacks I'm sure this will erupt.

Last night Patty came over-along with Carlo Alex and Crystal- all of us hanging out and having fun, watching rent and singing. After a while his stomach started bothering him so he laid down in my bed, and I went with him, rubbing his back and just keeping him company while he was feeling sick. We laid there, kissing now and then, and making conversation about nothing when he started telling me how sorry he was because he still doesn't know what it is he wants and that this just feels right inside my arms, and how much he cares about me but he missed out on so much being with Amanda that now he's stuck just.... not knowing at all what he wants. I get that. He then tried to lighten the mood by joking about how it's like how he missed out on his dream girl in his math class and needs to find her and ... blah. just went on and on about her. seriously... your in bed with me right now-- think this is the time for these jokes? mood not lightened. So I rolled over, my back to him, "Jessie don't be like that... Jess....." I grunt. "...I love you" He'd said that before, after we'd slept together that night an eternity ago, while I was crying on the phone to him, but the only response he got from that was more tears.
This time I rolled back over to face him, face blank, feeling some mix of everything and total absence of anything. He confirms " I really mean it. I'd do anything in the world for you, anything at all you ever needed or wanted." He leaned in and kissed me, slow and deep. Mid kiss everything hit me, my face scrunched up disgustingly, and I started crying. hard. pushing him off so I could start getting the tears that keep you from breathing. Over and over he asked, "why are you crying??" finally I get my voice together enough to choke out " because I love you, too" He leaned in and kissed me again, telling me he really means it- as if I don't? I re-affirmed "I've never said that to anyone", still crying. At that, he really fully understood and almost flew at me, like he couldn't kiss me fast enough, just couldn't reach my face soon enough.
But I could only let that go on for so long, seeing as I couldn't breathe through all my tears yet. He asks if Im ok. "yes." No you're not...... He knows me too well. Finally He sat u and pulled me into him, holding my face in the gap in his shoulder I'm used to sleeping in. "I hate that i do this to you, what am i the only guy who can make you cry? I hate seeing you like this. I'm not going anywhere, Im not leaving you until your ok. We'll stay here all night if we have to. I'll always be your shoulder to cry on even when I'm the one making you cry. I'm not leaving you, I'll never leave you.. I'll never leave you." holding me, humming, whispering to me, smoothing my hair, wiping my tears, keeping me close.
My heart finally allowed me to catch my breath, so I laid back down to let my muscles relax, with him over me. He starts to choke up, eyes filling, seeing my face so red and sad. he leans down, and kisses my chest " i cant believe I keep breaking this. I dont want this to break, I dont want to be who does this to you, I love this, i dont want to break it" still kissing my heart. Finally emotion just exploded into both of us, he kisses me face my arms my neck my chest, stomach, thighs, nose.... quick, precise, everywhere. " do you see how passionate I am for you? How much I mean all of this? What you are to me??" I almost start to cry again, and instead pull him to my mouth, trying with everything to give him my heart through my kiss.
From there everything was amazingly intense, but I wouldn't sleep with him, too scared from last time, still needing more stability before I put myself there. at 4am he finally had to leave, I crawled into Crystals bed and cried.

Who knows.