Tally vs. Tampa... the great debate.

Whats best for me? What is the safest, smartest,long-term best plan to fix all the messes I've made for myself? thats a question I've been asking myself for about a year now, and every time I think I have a solution planned, I mess it up. I get scared, or lazy, or distracted. Or maybe I'll even follow through but it just wasn't a good idea after all.. another lesson learned.

I have another idea, I guess you could say. Something I've been playing with for.. well, a year now. The first time things fell into place for me the way they kind of are now happened when I came home from my first trip to FSU. I came home, and fell into Erik.. back when that was at it's best. I also came home to a voicemail from Olive Garden offering me a job. Kendra called asking me to move in with her for next to nothing, taking me away from Plant City. Everything just suddenly went... perfect.
That may be happening for me again.. I came home from Gainesville Saturday night. I've never been so proud of my brother, and thats saying a lot. My very own big brother graduating from, in my opinion, the best university in the state. He's always been what I want to be, my whole life. I never did grow out of my little-sister-syndrome. I doubt I ever will. My life here and now, it's not good enough for me. It never has been, really, even at its best. The difference is that now I'm watching everyone around me, the most important people around me, living the life I wish I had. The life I wish I'd worked harder for. This is all settling. No one would believe me if I told them, mainly because I've never given them reason to, but I'm a very smart girl.
I could do amazing things, and somewhere along the line of my laziness I lost the respect and belief of others in my ability to do all these amazing things. I haven't forgotten.. I remember myself. And I'm finally really genuinely ready to work. I've said that before, I know. I have no guarantee. I have no proof. All I have is the disappointment in myself that makes me really think that I've hit the point of Enough is Enough.
That night when I got home, I dreamt that I up and packed my bags and moved to Tallahassee. Just like that. God knows it's something I've wished I could do for some time now. Also, I have the opportunity to move in with Shanna, and be around people I know. So I'm not all alone and lonely and work less, rather than more. I looked into rent in that area, and just like I though, it's HALF the cost of Tampa, just like Gainesville. It's not like there won't be any hospitals in Tallahassee... the states CAPITAL. And besides, a big part of why I chose nursing was because of it's flexibility in where I could practice.. why should that not include in college, too?
I could follow my same plan of action.. get my CNA, work in a hospital through my studies and work my way back into a major university. I could just do it.... away. And for cheaper, so I could work less and spend more time studying, or with friends.
Another idea here.... a fresh start. Am I running away from the things I've done or is a new beginning really just that? I have no idea.. maybe both? Either way, the idea is very tempting. To get away from this place, these people.. all of it. Start over, and do it right. I'd be leaving just in time for Cooper to come back, am I just running away from the first stable, good thing I've had in years? Totally possible. I hope not. Honestly, I half-expect it to be done with by then anyways, just like every other relationship I've had. On that same thought process, it would be against everything I've ever believed to change a life's direction over some guy.


what do I dooooooo?