The brighter sides of heartbreak

Wouldn't things be so easy if there were a clear distinction between running away and pushing forward? All I can keep thinking is if Tallahassee would be running from all the choas and commotion I've had so much fun creating here, or if it's the best thing for me to leave all the unnecessary stress and drama behind me to start focusing on something real. Whats real anyways though? And maybe there isn't such a thing as running away or starting over or even keeping steady. All there is is time, constantly going. And like it or not, you're going right along with it. How you choose to spend your time, however, is an entirely different story. I doesn't mean or change anything, it's as simple as enjoying yourself while you're here. Doing whatever it is that makes you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face.
I'm completely aware, as I'm writing this, that my recent state of diggin' life is a mix of my recent tripping experience amplified by no sleep, hours of crying and the Dawson's Creek series finale. Either way, though, I still find it true so I suggest everyone trip and have a good cry over Dawson's Creek to better find yourselves.
The Tallahassee hospital won't pay for my pre-reqs.. So it's looking like another year in Tampa. I'm so ready to go now though, I feel like there's nothing for me here. That all I'm doing is proving dad right and all he, or anyone else for that matter, will think when I tell them is " I knew she wasn't ACTUALLY going anywhere. Anyways..." and brush this off like it's just another crazy idea I had. The thing I hate most about this is that I do always have these crazy ideas to get up and go do something huge! It's never for anything but lack of support or money thats ever kept me from doing these things.. never lack of heart or inspiration or desire. And now the one time I was ever able to follow through with something, to prove to everyone- myself, included- that I was capable of actually finishing something, anything! The one time I was actually going to get it right... whoops. just kidding. again. Sucks.

From here, out, though I once again have a wide open window. I'll be saving up quite a bit of money, I'd guess, if all goes how I'd like it to. Of course, when has that ever happened for me?? I could go anywhere for nursing school come next August. Yes, it's a year away but the foresight gives me time to dream up exactly where I'd like to be, and it's the dreams that keep me moving. Maybe not always toward one exact point, but moving nonetheless. Tallahassee? Baltimore? California, England!? I can do anything.. and it's terrible that my Anything Day- Independence Day, if you will- has been pushed back another year, but at least I can still have something to look forward to.