Not-so-new years resolutions?

So it's T-minus one month, and it feels remarkably similar to the last week of high school. Excited, nervous, anxious, optomistic but really not at all, and scared shitless all at once. I can't wait to get away from everything I've grown so used to all these years in such a dirty city, and my mom's incessant-ness in general, but I can't imagine being without any of it. Without Crystal to call when it's all too much and I need to blow off steam and have " a night" like we have since we were fifteen. Without Maria and her drunken craziness I'm already so used to relying on. Without Kristin's clingy-boyfriend phone calls at all the wrong times for pizza and movie nights. Without Patty; fighting, crying, playing, joking, pissing off, making love.. everything that's always been us.
It's time to look ahead. To realize that this will be my last summer of craziness. I'm letting myself let go so much because I know that after this summer, I HAVE to grab on. Time to grab hold of responzibility, studying, school, work, and not taking time off to spend money I don't have. Time to learn the reality of student loans so my mom can finally relax, and enjoy her new life she's made for herself. I'll never let myself feel guilty for the things I've done and seen this summer, and more importantly I'll never let myself relive it. I'm soaking up every drop of being young and reckless that I possibly can. I am living any and every whim I feel like without a seconds thought to any of it past "don't forget the camera!"
I'm letting go of stress. Letting go of pain, of dad, of lost sleep, and of past heartache. I'm forgiving anyone who asks for it, and forgetting anyone who won't. I'm focusing only on the love in my heart, life in my lungs, and the anxiety in my feet. Time to go, time to see. Time to work is later, and I WILL work. I will get all the play I can out of my system. I will do everything I've ever wanted to. I will write more, think more, READ MORE, eat less, hydrate more, love more, guard less.
I will finally let go of Dad and the issues drilled into my brain by what he's done, and let nothing hold me back from becoming everything I want. Tallahassee is my chance. From here I can do anything in the world I want. This is my chance. I've screwed up too much. Time to live, and only the way I want to from now on.