I want..

Because I've been focusing on everyone else too much lately. Not necessarily on their needs, I won't even pretend to be that selfless, not lately anyways, but at least on their lives. I've been wondering how they manage to go to school and work, and still have time to go out and dress cute. To overcome the desire to drop classes, and blow off homework. To live on their own and go out on the weekends. To do it so much better than me. I've been wondering how Erik feels about his girlfriend. How much it would hurt her if we were to get back together. How serious it is since she's driving home to see him. How my dad is doing with whatever it is keeping him too busy to help me get into Erwin early.
I've been wondering about everyone else's lives as they fit into my own. Really, though, how the hell does that even matter? Their lives don't piece together mine, and their decisions don't change my missions. I will get into Erwin in my own good time. With Dads help would be much easier and more efficient but my time will come, regardless. However everyone else is doing it, and I suspect they're not entirely on their own, I am doing it just so long as I keep pushing for my LPN. And in my own time I will be on my own, dressing cute and going out. All because I took my time and did it right, and earned it without any suspicious " independence". I will.
As for Erik and his girlfriend? Frankly, I don't care anyone how she feels about him, or even how he feels about her. I don't. Not in the slightest. What matters to me is how he feels about me, and I him. Last night he told me, he showed me. I mean something to him, possibly as much as he means to me?? Who knew. And It'll end up just like with Laurel.. he'll use his slight of beer in lieu of wit, and pretend he didn't know what he was saying. It's not true. He's happy.. really. Well maybe he is, but it's clear that I make him happier seeing as he can't stay away from me. So to avoid the tears, I will also avoid that conversation and wait for him to come around again. Well, not so much wait as let the time pass and see where I end up. Waiting doesn't work for me. Truthfully, I don't think it should work for anyone. But my Faith is strong on this one. Maybe for no reason other than my own desires, or maybe for a letdown later on, but either way there it is. Not just about Erik either, but for everything. I'm doing this, I'm forgetting everyone else and I'm making my own way, slow and steady.




I want...
Adventure. Something to remember, something to tell, something to hold in my heart and smile on, for always.

I meant to say more, but really... Thats it.
What more is there??

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

So you wanna be my friend, so you wanna be my lover?
With you I do confess I can't be one without the other.
That was hard for me to say, I hope I said it right. --Teitur.