I've been having nightmares

last night that I was sneaking into someplace and i thinkk shooting bad guys. And then the cops were chasing me, cause it's not like I ever ask for permission for anything like shooting people, and they were all currupt and were gonna torture me, so I needed someone to kill me, quickly, so I wouldn't be tortured. Some girl was gona do it for me in a bathroom stall.. looking back it may have been maria but idk. Anyways, she didn't want to and at the last minute I was scared it would hurt afterall, not be instant. So Crystal walked in, said she knew where to shoot me so it wouldn't hurt, and shot me in the left ear. It didn't hurt, and my last words were "thank you. I love you". Her && the other girl squeeled, like that was comforting for them to hear. I woke up with my ear buzzing..

Another was I was at a big dinner event. I think Carlos was there, next to me. And I guess for a reason I can't remember, I was forced into going to therapy. I got there in the parking lot/waiting area , and everyone was talking about how they needed the help for what was wrong with them like it was a treatment for their illness, or disability. I didn't like that and figured I wasn't ill so I went back to the dinner in my old seat, next to carlos. I then proceeded to cry my eyes out, like I'd just heard the news about maria all over again.. It was when I was half awake so I could hear my awake self breathing heavy like I was crying. While hysterical crying, dream-me thought to myself that maybe I need a different kind of therapy. A special Greif Therapy. And decided to look up some options on google as soon as I stopped crying.
I never did, in real life. I still think I need to.


Theres been more but i can't remember them. They're way too realistic-y for my own taste. I getting more and more scared of the dark, too. I called into work today from the parking lot, drove around Bayshore for a few hours, came home and fell apart crying in my moms lap. Maybe I do need therapy.. Maybe I'm not handling this as well as I think.